24th, May 2025
- Black Lawyer
- 7 days ago
- 2 min read
Entry Title: The Constitution Does Not Protect You From Child Support
Filed under: Delusion, Deductions & Due Process Denial
Dearest Diary,
Today, in a courtroom furnished with state-issued chairs and state-sanctioned foolishness, my client stood before the judge and declared, with Churchillian grandeur, that paying child support violates his due process rights.
One would think Her Majesty’s gavel had struck down Magna Carta itself.
He proclaimed it boldly, as though he'd uncovered some rare constitutional loophole buried beneath Jefferson’s wig powder.
Apparently, his understanding of “due process” comes not from Blackstone, but from YouTube—likely narrated by a man in sunglasses indoors.
His argument, if one could call it that, was this:He never agreed to pay child support. Therefore, being made to do so must be unconstitutional.
I calmly reminded him—on the record, of course—that his absence from the original hearing was not a constitutional crisis.He wasn’t denied notice. He denied the envelope.
The judge listened patiently, perhaps out of curiosity rather than courtesy.And when asked what, precisely, he meant by “violation of liberty,” my client answered:
“I didn’t consent to this. I didn’t choose to be financially bound to a woman I’m not even with.”
Ah.There it is.
Not jurisprudence. Just grievance in a waistcoat.
You see, Diary, when certain men speak of freedom, what they actually mean is freedom from fatherhood.
And when they invoke the Constitution, what they seek is a document that will excuse them from consequences while still granting them opinions.
He insisted he’d rather be jailed than pay a dime.
As if martyrdom were a valid financial strategy.
To which I replied, with all the softness of silk-wrapped steel:
“That, sir, is due process.”
Legal Clarity (since some of you need it):Due process means you get notice and an opportunity to be heard. It does not mean the court must wait until you’re emotionally available or financially willing.
Child support is not tyranny. It’s accountability.And the Constitution was not written to save you from your child’s orthodontist.
If paying child support feels like punishment, perhaps the issue isn’t with the law—but with the man it applies to.
I remain, as ever—Poised. Precise. Legally Unbothered.
Disclaimer:This entry is a fictionalized satire. Any resemblance to actual people, events, or lawsuits is entirely coincidental—but not impossible.
Tag someone who thinks the Constitution is a Get Out of Fatherhood Free card.
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