30th, May 2025

Entry Title: The Custody Case That Became Immigration Court

Filed under: Deportation Games & Custody Delusions

Dearest Diary,

Some custody cases are about children. Others are about vengeance wearing a cardigan.

Three years ago, in a courtroom scented faintly of bitterness and printer toner, a mother took the stand and insisted she deserved primary custody. Not because of school performance, safety concerns, or actual parenting—but because the father, her ex, was undocumented.

“He might flee,” she sniffled.

Yes, darling. She tried to win a custody case by implying he would vanish like a rogue Uber driver. What she didn’t mention—under oath, mind you—was that she had anonymously reported him to ICE two weeks prior.

Her strategy? If you can’t win in family court, try federal enforcement.

Fast forward to present day. The father is still here. Still undocumented. Still picking up school drop-offs and spelling homework.

Meanwhile, she’s filed to modify custody again—because now she believes he’s “alienating” the child.

Oh, the irony.

She swept into court today with a crucifix around her neck, a custody calendar fit for NASA, and a sigh so dramatic it nearly petitioned for sole managing conservatorship.

She showed the judge a Zoom screenshot of the child looking allegedly “sad,” as if a frozen pixelated frown is probative of unfit parenting.

When I presented the burner phone records and traced ICE tip line activity back to her Wi-Fi IP address, she clutched her pearls so hard they almost filed a battery report.

The judge didn’t say much. She didn’t need to. Her face wore the expression of a woman who had just realized she was presiding over the spiritual sequel to My Cousin Vinny—but with immigration fraud.

Darling, you can claim to care about your child’s best interest, but it gets rather difficult to sell that narrative when you also tried to deport their other parent like you were hosting a legal Hunger Games.

Some cases test legal theory. Others test moral gravity.

And this one?

This one proved that karma doesn’t need a passport. It just needs proper service.

I remain,The Keeper of Secrets ICE Couldn’t Crack.

Disclaimer: This is a fictionalized and satirical account based on true courtroom dynamics. Any resemblance to actual persons is probably because some litigants share the same Pinterest boards for spite.

Tag someone who thinks filing for custody is a valid substitute for immigration reform.

#DiaryOfABlackLawyer #CustodyVsControl #FamilyLawFiction #KarmaIsBilingual #DeportationDrama #LegalShadeWithAStamp