23rd, April 2025
- Black Lawyer
- Apr 23
- 2 min read
Title: The Jury Tampering Group Chat
Filed Under: Criminal Contempt & Community Tea
Dearest Diary,
You know, one attends law school with the expectation of encountering order, decorum, and a touch of chaos.
But nothing—and I do mean nothing—prepares you for the moment you realize your custody trial has been turned into a live-action reality show by the jury.
Let me explain.
It began subtly.
A strange smirk here, a sideways glance there.
Juror No. 5 adjusting her lashes while glaring at opposing counsel like she was about to issue a rose or send someone home.
By Day 3, my suspicions were confirmed.
They had a group chat.
Not just a group chat.
A full-blown digital tribunal. A secret society of citizen gossipers with iMessage receipts and a burning desire to become the Supreme Court of Shade.
The name of the chat? “Justice League.”The content? Screenshots. Memes.One juror made a poll: “Who’s the most credible witness?”
Another posted a side-by-side of my closing argument outfit and Michelle Obama’s inauguration look. (I won, 6–1.)
But the pièce de résistance?
A GIF of the father sobbing on the stand captioned,“Oscar goes to…”
How did we find out, reader?
Juror No. 8 AirDropped the entire chat to many of us in the courtroom by accident—while trying to send a meme of the judge “serving face and subpoenas.”
The bailiff gasped.
Opposing counsel’s mouth hung open like the hole I wished I could crawl into.
The judge…The judge closed her eyes and whispered, “Jesus, take the file.”
A mistrial was declared.
Naturally.
But not before the group chat was entered into evidence, printed, and archived as Exhibit D—for Damned Shame, of course.
Humans are not built for silence.
Put twelve strangers in a room with power and WiFi, and suddenly your custody case becomes Love Island: Family Court Edition.
Let this be a reminder, dear readers:Justice is blind—but her jury?
Nosy, petty, and armed with iPhones.
I remain still, Poised. Petty. Permanently Changing My Airdrop Permissions
Disclaimer:This entry is a fictionalized satire. Any resemblance to actual people, events, or lawsuits is entirely coincidental—but not impossible.
Tag a friend who would object—with flair.
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