21st, May 2025
- Black Lawyer
- May 21
- 2 min read
Entry Title: Nip, Tuck… Divorce
Filed under: Scalpel, Strategy & Surgical Shade
Dearest Diary,
Some women marry for love.
Some marry for legacy.
And some, it seems, marry for lipo.
My client’s husband—a board-certified plastic surgeon with the ego of a Roman god and the bedside manner of a wet Band-Aid—thought he had the perfect wife.
Young, eager, untouched. A blank canvas with great bone structure and no family history of mental illness. (He asked.)
And for a while, it was a match made in medical-grade heaven.
She got the works:Rhinoplasty, breast augmentation, waist snatching, chin contouring, and a round of injectables that could freeze time.
And then?
She filed for divorce.
Fresh from recovery and frosty with resolve.
You see, Diary, what he hadn’t anticipated was that the same hands he used to sculpt her body had unknowingly chiseled her self-worth.
And once she saw herself the way he had once envisioned her—elevated, enhanced, enviable—she also saw that she no longer needed him.
Poetic, really.
He carved her into a trophy.
And she decided she’d rather be the museum.
Naturally, he was shocked.
How could a woman dare to leave him after he rebuilt her?
As if beauty is a contract.
As if BBLs come with binding arbitration.
The courtroom was theatre, as usual.
He argued she owed him compensation for the procedures.
She argued he owed her back for years of emotional anesthesia.
He came with invoices.
She came with receipts.
And I? I came with a closing statement that sliced deeper than his scalpel.
Because here’s the real lesson, Diary:If you build someone from the outside in, don’t be surprised when they wake up one day—snatched, symmetrical, and spiritually unbothered—and realize you were the last thing that needed to go.
I remain as ever, Posied. Amused and Entertained.
Disclaimer: This entry is a work of satirical legal fiction inspired by very real surgical miscalculations. Any resemblance to real events is intentional and legally delightful.
Tag someone who left the man and kept the body.
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