31 March 2025
- Black Lawyer
- Mar 31
- 3 min read
Entry No. 177: “The University of Me, Myself & I”
Filed under: DIY Delusion & You Are Not the Father
Dearest Diary,
He wore a velvet blazer.
At 10:00 a.m.
In August.
And introduced himself as:
“Treymondé—visionary, vocalist, and founder.”
I was expecting a custody consult.
What I got was a one-man charter school application, a mixtape, and an unsolicited spoken word performance about educational sovereignty.
He had filed a Suit Affecting the Parent-Child Relationship, seeking primary custody of two school-aged children.
A relatively straightforward case—until he revealed that his core request was for the court to order that the children withdraw from public school and instead attend...
“The Excellence Experience Academy.”
I waited for a pause.
A wink.
A punchline.
There was none.
Treymondé, it turned out, had built an entire “online learning institution” with no faculty, no accreditation, and no apparent understanding of what a school actually is.
He was, in his words, “tired of systemic oppression stifling educational genius” and had taken matters into his own hands—and domain name.
🖥️ The Website
The homepage featured:
- A floating slideshow of him in various outfits, mostly turtlenecks and robes.
- A mission statement written entirely in italics:
“Where minds are freed, voices are affirmed, and rhythm is the curriculum.”
- A “testimonials” section that included quotes from himself.
The “faculty” page was a solo photoshoot.
The “about” page described his “pedagogical awakening” during a meditation retreat in Tulum.
And the “curriculum” included:
- Financial Freedom Through Freestyle
- Earth Science via Herbal Infusions
- And a required course titled:
> “Know Thyself: A Guided Mirror Experience.”
He then handed me a printed syllabus stapled sideways with a rose gold clip.
At the bottom, a note:
“Every Friday is Vibe Check.”
🎤 The Pitch
Treymondé sat across from me, palms open like he was about to conduct an orchestra. He said:
“I am the curriculum. I am the system. I am the standard.
I gently, legally, Britishly explained that the court tends to prefer things like state-recognized coursework, qualified instructors, and perhaps a single textbook.
He looked hurt.
Like I had just kicked over his vision board.
“This is bigger than law,” he whispered.
“This is legacy.”
“If Harriet Truman had waited for accreditation, we’d still be in the back of the bus.”
I wiped my eyes in disbelief that I wasn't trapped in a strange dream.
He insisted I file a motion requesting full custody and immediate withdrawal of the children from their school, to be enrolled in "The Excellence Experience Academy", where he would serve as principal, professor, mentor, and cafeteria staff.
I refused.
I told him I would not, under any circumstance, submit pleadings based on a digital delusion wrapped in Canva.
He fired me.
Said I lacked vision.
Said he needed an attorney who believed in “radical educational transformation.”
Left my office in a velvet cape with lining.
The receptionist clapped softly.
The paralegal wept tears of exhausted relief.
Weeks passed. I moved on.
But my curiosity—okay, fine - my pettiness—led me to check the docket.
Diary.
The results were in.
Both children underwent court-ordered DNA testing and neither child was biologically his.
He had launched a legal battle, designed a school, created a curriculum, and delivered a 38-slide PowerPoint titled, “Why I Deserve These Kids”…
For children who were not his.
The courtroom is a theatre of delusion, but every so often, a client walks in and redefines the genre.
Treymondé didn’t need a lawyer—he needed a director, a syllabus, and a paternity test.
The Excellence Experience Academy is currently offline.
The children remain in public school.
And I remain… haunted by the phrase “Know Thyself: A Guided Mirror Experience.”
I remain, as ever—
Poised. Petty. Permanently Unaccredited.
Disclaimer:
This diary entry is a fictionalized satire based on real courtroom chaos. Any resemblance to real schools, delusions, or men in capes is legally accidental but spiritually inevitable.
**Tag someone who thinks building a website = founding a school.**
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