23rd March, 2025
- Black Lawyer
- Mar 25
- 2 min read
Updated: Mar 25
Entry: She Scalpeth, Therefore She Wineth
Filed under: Hairless Tactics & High-Stakes Pettiness
“My hair is no longer community property.”
– A queen, mid-mediation
Dearest Diary,
Let it be recorded: a woman shall shave her entire head before she lets a man leave with the last word.
We were in mediation.
Not a trial. Not televised.
Just a simple effort to behave like functioning adults with assets and grievances.
My client—a gentleman of average ambition and below-average self-awareness—had but one request in the divorce:
The salon.
Built together. Funded by him. Designed by her. Held together by tension and passive aggression.
It was her baby.
Her business.
Her pride.
And so, of course, he wanted it.
Diary, she arrived precisely seven minutes late—
bald.
Not cropped. Not stylish.
Utterly bald.
Scalp glistening under the overhead lights like the polished bonnet of a Rolls-Royce.
She sat down with perfect posture, opened her notes, and declared—quite casually:
“My hair is no longer community property.”
Diary, I nearly expired. Reader, I ascended.
The mediator choked on his LaCroix.
My client blinked like he’d just been hit by a spiritual subpoena.
I sat there silently, clutching my pearls—mentally and legally.
I stared into the abyss of my legal pad, questioning every career choice I’d made since law school.
But she didn’t blink.
She was composed. Regal, even. You see, she didn’t come to play.
She came to perform a psychological takedown with scalp-based evidence.
Her head—completely bare—radiating the kind of spiritual authority one only gains through unfiltered pettiness.
You see, this wasn’t a breakdown.
It was a strategy.
And she won.
She kept the salon.
Because even though he wanted the business, she had already walked away with the story.
And the moral victory.
And her edges—somewhere in storage for the appeal.
Because the court may divide property…
But a bald queen claiming emotional damages in real time? That, Diary, is legal performance art.
I left that mediation a changed woman.
Because sometimes the law wins.
But other times?
Theatrics do.
I remain, as ever—
Grateful. Grounded. Unbothered.
Shiraya Genea Jackson, Esq.
Disclaimer: This entry is built upon truths both legal and emotional. Some details have been polished for dramatic effect. The scalp, however, was very much present.
Tag a friend who would absolutely go bald for leverage.
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