Today’s custody hearing was conducted entirely in emojis. Allegations were rendered in 🍷🧹🐍. A proposed schedule involved 🏡👶📅💤. An expert testified that the snake-emoji-plus-broom was “a symbolic indictment of maternal morality.” I, meanwhile, considered perishing. Battle of the Emojis: A Custody Case Written in Hieroglyphics — now live on Diary of a Black Lawyer.

The banana bread was just the beginning. Her husband was cheating with the nextdoor neighbour — a woman who once signed his field trip form and now signs for things far more personal. There’s Ring footage, matching tracksuits, and an affair that smells faintly of betrayal and artificial turf. The Cougar Clause is now live on Diary of a Black Lawyer.

hey married for their love of vintage model trains. They’re divorcing because he sabotaged the Appalachian terrain slope and she mislabelled the Chesapeake caboose. Custody battles were never meant for Lionel blueprints — and yet, here we are. Track Trouble: Love on the Spectrum (and Off the Rails) — now live on Diary of a Black Lawyer.

What if, just for one day, everyone in court told the truth? The mother admits she only wants custody to ruin his weekends. The witness says they're just here for the sandwich. The judge threatens to apply at Target. And I? I accepted a marriage proposal out of sheer exhaustion. Truth Day: A Most Inconvenient Miracle — now live on Diary of a Black Lawyer.